Exactly six years from my honeymoon in Hawaii, and four
years from the beginning of the affair that ended my marriage, I boarded a
plane to the islands I had very mixed memories about. You see, my honeymoon on
Maui and the Big Island was beautiful and amazing, as were the two years of
wedded bliss that followed; but the summer of 2014, the last stop on the tour
where said affair took place was Hawaii. And while his mistress was not with
him, the man I married was already a ghost of himself. He was angry, and mean.
He was carrying a guilt so heavy he couldn’t handle it, and used gaslighting
(read about our current President and you’ll understand) to cope, deflecting
all his guilt to me. The three days he was in Hawaii were riddled with lies and
fraud and outright deception to his wife, who at the time had no idea why he
was behaving this way. So all those beautiful memories from two years before
were replaced with a darkness associated with this place in my mind. So why go
back there? My Dad turned 60 this year, and my Grandma has always wanted to
take a Hawaiian Island cruise, and I didn’t want to miss this time with my
family.
So when I boarded that plane to Oahu, it was with really
mixed feelings. I spent the first half of the 12 hour flight wondering why I
was flying so far for palm trees and sand when I live 45 minutes from the beach
in Florida. However, I made friends with the man sitting next to me our
conversation was a great distraction as we drank wine for a couple hours and
got to know each other. Then, as we began our descent into Honolulu, I finally
felt a twinge of excitement, probably in part because my new friend had never
been and was over the moon about our arrival (thank you, Dimitri!). And when we
stepped out of the airport, I felt it immediately- the energy of the islands,
and I knew I had done the right thing by coming here alone for four days before
my family arrived. I was here to learn and grow, and heal, and be. And that’s
exactly what I did.
I started out researching yoga retreats, however, finding
one that fit the exact dates I had off from work, AND somewhere affordable
proved difficult. So I decided to create my own. I found Sunset Beach Yoga in
Honolulu, who offered classes right on the water in the morning and at sunset,
and a mindfulness yoga hike through the jungle, and planned my trip around
their schedule and location.
I stayed at the Modern Honolulu, which was two miles away.
There was a bus line that would have taken me straight there, but I enjoyed the
walk/jog along the beach and through the parks and counted that as part of my
exercise for the day. After I checked in to my chic and modern room with a
balcony overlooking the harbor of sailboats, I made a quick stop at the adults
only tiki bar for a refreshing mint lemonade cocktail.
Then, my new friend and
I headed to the Sheraton Waikiki beachfront bar for dinner and an incredible
sunset.
The next day I was up early because of the jetlag, so I
checked out their simple and clean fitness center where I ran four miles on the
treadmill before walking to yoga. Class was held under a large banyon tree
overlooking the water. There was a balmy breeze and view of the volcanic
mountains on both sides of the ocean. It was a basic and well-instructed class-
food for my soul!
After lunch at the pool, I resigned to a chaise lounge and
proceeded to stare at the sky for most of the afternoon. I felt good being
there alone, just me and the palm trees. I didn’t have an agenda, and the day
was mine. I’m actually sitting on my couch in Florida writing this, because I
didn’t want to do a lot of thinking. I was truly meditative- there in the
moment, soaking in all that healing island energy through the osmosis of the
tranquility. It was amazing.
Yoga in the cinnamon tree forest XO
Hidden waterfall on the yoga hike... brrrrr!!!
That feeling was amplified the next day. I began with
another basic yoga class, this time at my resort’s pool, followed by the Jungle
Yoga Mindfulness hike with the owner of Sunset Beach Yoga- Karen. This was
probably my favourite day of the entire trip. We hiked through the movie set of
King Kong 2, through a cinnamon tree forest, and up to a waterfall. We learned
about the flowers and berries and trees, inhaled them, touched them, took them
in. We meditated and practiced yoga. And in the four hours we were out there,
we only saw other people TWO times!
It was peaceful and beautiful and exactly what my soul
needed. That night, after a dance party in my room with me, myself and a bottle
of Moet, I met my friend for dinner at a fabulous sushi restaurant on the main
shopping street Kalakaua Ave. It was the perfect end to my solo vacay.
The next day my family arrived. I ordered pizza from Harbor
Pub (SO good- best on the island according to the locals!) and brought it to
our new hotel. I instantly missed the Modern, as the rooms at the Aston were
small, outdated and dingy. The only thing it had going for it was an incredible
ocean view from the balcony and a convenient and lovely sand beach immediately
across the street.
I went to Sunset Beach Yoga that evening and it was
breathtaking. I can’t put into words the feeling of practicing yoga with that
kind of view. I breathed in the salt air, and breathed out the bad memories and
emotional pain that accompanied them. I truly felt at peace with myself and my
life for the first time in four years. I let go and committed to moving
forward… to opening myself to love and possibilities. I accepted that this
process will never truly be complete, that wounds this deep take a long time to
heal and will always be marked by a scar. But every time the scar starts to
ache again, now I just close my eyes and feel that breeze and see that sunset.
And I remember to just breathe, and everything will be okay. Mahalo, Hawaii
<3
